So as you may know from reading, The Three Toed Bear, Evie isn’t like a lot of children she’s unique and clumsy and in such a short time has had multiple casts and hospital appointments and even had to go under general anaesthetic once for a scan. That was probably worse than anything holding your baby until she pretty much goes lifeless, she’s never had anaesthetic before and we had to leave her in the care of others, now I know they’re trained for this and it’s their job but she’s my world and I’m allowed to panic!
But that’s when it really started. I call it mum anxiety. Usually silly little things like….she wakes up late and that’s it in my head she’s dead, so I rush in and the poor thing gets the shock of her life and cries and then I feel like the worst human being ever for doing it and try to convince myself I’ll never be that silly again. But I still do.
Every little rash sounds alarm bells in my head. I’ve read the symptoms for meningitis a million times….and I know that the rash is one of the last symptoms to show up but…I still check for any other symptoms every time a rash appears.
She falls; and I’m actually getting good at letting her pick herself up, but if she falls on her bad knee that’s it, it’s broken again. I mean that one isn’t to far fetched she has broken her leg twice in 6 months. Read all about Evie’s little leg here.
I worry constantly about her safety when I’m not with her. I mean I have to go to work and I need my own time, but she’s always there in my head. I didn’t really think about it until I started this post but I don’t think Mum anxiety ever goes away, my mum still tells us to let her know when we get somewhere so she knows we’re safe. If we call her and tell her something happened she worries about us.
However this is what you sign up for as a mum. You have to take the good with the bad and you soon realise that the bad is when they get hurt or are upset rather than the times they kick and scream because you won’t let them watch peppa pig for yet another hour.
And to all you mums who do have Mum anxiety, you’re not alone!